If you've been trying to ring us in the last few days and not been able to get through, it might be because some nasty little villain has hacked into our phone system, and been phoning all over the world on our (pirated) phone lines. It turns out that this a huge racket, so big it appears to be automated!
This has created a number of difficulties for our business which we are working to resolve as quickly as possible. We are still able to receive most calls, but if you can't get through, please try again a few minutes later. We hope to have things fixed tomorrow, fingers crossed.
Happily our email - email@example.com is still working and should elicit a reasonably quick reply !